Each year, I set out on a meaningful pilgrimage to the top of the One Gateway Center in Newark, a tribute to my beloved wife, Jan, and to everyone touched by the harsh reality of blood cancers. It’s staggering to think that every three minutes, someone in the U.S. receives a diagnosis of leukemia, lymphoma, or myeloma, and heartbreakingly, someone loses their fight every nine minutes.
Continue reading →
“Penthouse, please,” I requested, my finger hovering over the button of the self-service elevator. The compact space could barely accommodate three people, yet somehow, it felt roomy. Jan stepped in beside me, her eyes sparkling with anticipation, and one of her friends joined us. In that moment, I couldn’t help but admire her. She had always captivated me, but on our wedding day fifty years ago, she was nothing short of breathtaking.
Continue reading →
“Richard!” A familiar voice called out just as I was about to step into the narrow alleyway between Sofia Color Lounge and the soon-to-open coffee shop where Beadsmith once stood. I turned around and saw—Eric! A genuine smile spread across my face as I recognized him. He was pushing a stroller, his daughter peeking out with bright, curious eyes.
Continue reading →
Rituals often become another item on our to-do lists, rushed and stripped of their more profound significance. When we overlook their meaning and purpose, we hinder our ability to heal from loss and navigate the complexities of grief.
Continue reading →Subscribe to Sharing Jan's Love Newsletter!
by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz
Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time by Rachel Blythe Kodanaz is a book I wish I had long before Jan died. It provides helpful information on maintaining an organized lifestyle and handling a loved one’s possessions.
Having lost almost everything I had except for the clothes on my back after a house fire in 1972, I thought I had adopted a view that possessions were not significant. With Jan’s death, the truth is that she and I had collected essential possessions, and now it was my responsibility to decide what to do with them.
Rachel’s book is a practical guide, offering a comprehensive understanding of the significance of possessions and a step-by-step plan to manage them. Chapter 3, in particular, is a treasure trove of practical advice, focusing on Building Your Game Plan: The Ten Essentials and covering all the crucial topics – triggers, building a team, and creating a timeline, among others.
Magic of the Six Piles is a well-designed plan that will help most of us confront the possessions of our loved ones. The piles are:
Having absorbed the book’s wisdom, I am ready to transition from contemplation to action. This is how I sort my wife’s possessions into six piles. I am optimistic that it will also help me streamline my possessions, making books my trusted company more accessible for my sons.
Ms. Kodanaz has presented at my bereavement groups and has been an inspiration. She has also encouraged me to write about my love for Jan in a journal.
by James Goodhand
Today, I began reading “The Day Tripper: A Novel” by James Goodhand. The story centers around Alex Dean, who can travel through time but, unfortunately, always ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time. This book is a perfect read for a rainy April day. The story moves quickly in just the first few pages, with time flying by faster than it does for Alex.
It’s 1995, and Alex Dean has it all: a spot at Cambridge University next year, the love of a fantastic woman named Holly, and all the time ahead of him. That is, until a brutal encounter with a ghost from his past sees him beaten, battered, and almost drowning in the Thames.
The next day, he wakes to find himself in a messy, derelict room he’s never seen before, in grimy clothes Alex doesn’t recognize, with no idea how he got there. A glimpse in the mirror tells him he’s much older and has been living a hard life, his features ravaged by time and poor decisions. He snatches a newspaper and finds it’s 2010—fifteen years since the fight.
After finally drifting off to sleep, Alex wakes the following morning to find it’s now 2019, another nine years later. But the next day, it’s 1999. Never knowing which day is coming, he begins to piece together what happens in his life after that fateful night by the river.
But what exactly is going on? Why does his life look nothing like he thought it would? What about Cambridge and Holly? In this page-turning adventure, Alex must navigate the years to learn that small actions have an untold impact. And that might be all he needs to save the people he loves and, equally importantly, himself.
by Daniel Mason
I recommend reading “North Woods: A Novel” by Daniel Mason today. It is the story of two young lovers who leave a Puritan colony and find shelter in a humble cabin in the woods. They are unaware this cabin will become home to a succession of extraordinary human and nonhuman characters. North Woods” has been named one of the ten best books of 2023 by both the New York Times Book Review and the Washington Post.
An English soldier who was destined for glory decides to abandon the battlefields of the New World to dedicate himself to growing apples. Meanwhile, a pair of spinster twins navigate war and famine, dealing with envy and desire. A crime reporter discovers an ancient mass grave but soon realizes the earth refuses to give up its secrets. In the same town, a lovelorn painter, a sinister con man, a stalking panther, and a lusty beetle are all present. As the inhabitants confront the wonder and mystery around them, they realize that the dark, raucous, and beautiful past is still alive.
This remarkable and highly imaginative novel by Pulitzer Prize finalist Daniel Mason is full of love, insanity, humor, and optimism. North Woods follows the cycles of history, nature, and language to reveal the numerous, enchanting ways we are connected to our surroundings, history, and each other. It is not just a memorable story about secrets and fates but a perspective on the world that poses the timeless question: How can we continue living even after we are gone?
The Jan Lilien Education Fund sponsors ongoing sustainability and environmental awareness programs. Gifts made this month; I will match dollar-for-dollar. All donations are tax-deductible.
I receive a commission when you buy a book or product using a link on this page. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by David Nicholls
I began reading “You Are Here: A Novel” by David Nicholls today. The book, written by the internationally bestselling and Booker Prize-longlisted author of One Day, is an uplifting love story about second chances. It revolves around the idea I learned from grief: sometimes, one must get lost to find their way. The main character, Michael, struggles to cope with the aftermath of his wife’s departure.
He seeks comfort in solitary walks across the English countryside and becomes increasingly reclusive, trying to escape the emptiness of his home.
Meanwhile, Marnie is feeling stuck. She isolates herself in her London flat, avoiding old friends and reminders of her selfish ex-husband. She spends her time with books, battling the feeling that life is passing her by.
A mutual friend and some unpredictable weather bring Michael and Marnie together on a ten-day hike, which both are not thrilled about. However, they find exactly what they’ve been searching for during the journey.
As they stand at the threshold of a promising future, Michael and Marnie’s journey becomes a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
By bestselling author David Nicholls, “You Are Here” is a hilarious, hopeful, and heartwarming love story. It is a bittersweet and hopeful tale of first encounters, second chances, and finding the way home.
by B.L. Blanchard
The Peacekeeper: A Novel by B.L. Blanchard is about North America, where The United States and Canada do not exist. After reading about Ethiopia during the ill-fated Italian invasion, I looked for an alternative history of my continent. An independent Ojibwe nation surrounding the Great Lakes is the change in venue that I was seeking.
Although crime mysteries are not my preferred genre, I found The Peacekeeper: A Novel by B.L. Blanchard a pageturner and a highly recommended book. Chibenashi’s works resolve a second murder twenty years after his mothers. The victim is his mother’s best friend. The search for truth will change his life and those close to him.
The Goodreads summary:
Against the backdrop of a never-colonized North America, a broken Ojibwe detective embarks on an emotional and twisting journey toward solving two murders, rediscovering family, and finding himself.
In the village of Baawitigong, a Peacekeeper confronts his devastating past.
Twenty years ago, Chibenashi’s mother was murdered, and his father confessed. Ever since caring for his still-traumatized younger sister has been Chibenashi’s privilege and penance. Now, another woman is slain on the same night of the Manoomin harvest—his mother’s best friend. The murder leads to a seemingly impossible connection that takes Chibenashi far from the only world he’s ever known.
The central city of Shikaakwa is home to the victim’s cruelly estranged family—and to two people Chibenashi never wanted to see again: his imprisoned father and the lover who broke his heart. As the questions mount, the answers will change his and his sister’s lives forever because Chibenashi is about to discover that everything about those lives has been a lie.
When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
by Andrea Elliott
Invisible Child: Poverty, Survival & Hope in an American City by Andrea Elliott was a gift from my son Jon. The New York Times selected “Invisible Child” as one of the best books published this year. It is indeed one of the top books on my all-time list.
GoodReads summary provides a good overview,
The riveting, unforgettable story of a girl whose indomitable spirit is tested by homelessness, poverty, and racism in an unequal America—from Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Andrea Elliott of The New York Times
Invisible Child follows eight dramatic years in the life of Dasani Coates, a child with imagination as soaring as the skyscrapers near her Brooklyn homeless shelter. Born at the turn of a new century, Dasani is named for the bottled water that comes to symbolize Brooklyn’s gentrification and the shared aspirations of a divided city. As Dasani grows up, moving with her tight-knit family from shelter to shelter, this story goes back to trace the passage of Dasani’s ancestors from slavery to the Great Migration north. When Dasani comes of age, New York City’s homeless crisis explodes as the chasm deepens between rich and poor.
In the shadows of this new Gilded Age, Dasani must lead her seven siblings through a thicket of problems: hunger, parental drug addiction, violence, housing instability, segregated schools, and the constant monitoring of the child-protection system. When, at age thirteen, Dasani enrolls at a boarding school in Pennsylvania, her loyalties are tested like never before. As she learns to “code switch” between the culture she left behind and the norms of her new town, Dasani starts to feel like a stranger in both places. Ultimately, she faces an impossible question: What if leaving poverty means abandoning the family you love?
By turns heartbreaking and revelatory, provocative and inspiring, Invisible Child tells an astonishing story about the power of resilience, the importance of family, and the cost of inequality. Based on nearly a decade of reporting, this book vividly illuminates some of the most critical issues in contemporary America through the life of one remarkable girl.
Jan and I were involved and knew that child poverty and homelessness needed repair. In addition, Jan lived on Washington Park across from Ft. Greene Park in 1974-75. We knew the neighborhood where much of the book’s story takes place.
Before meeting Jan in 1973, I was both a community/tenant organizer and a youth worker. In the latter role, I made weekly hostel trips for eight to ten young boys from East Williamsburg during 1973. The trips were the first the boys had ever been outside of their neighborhood.
Many of them had imaginations like Dasani. They also had her instinct to fight. One of my first tasks was to check for any weapons.
Decades later, when I would see any of them, now adults, they would ask when we were going on another trip. I wish I had met Jan when I made those trips. She would have helped me improve them and document the impact. If I could re-write history, I would have her join me as the second adult on the hostel trips.
After that summer, it was clear my primary skills were as a community/tenant organizer. Over the next few years, my work focused on creating affordable and supportive housing.
Jan and I did meaningful work that made a difference, yet the need for a permanent solution to the crisis remains. The book highlights the crucial role of resilience, the importance of family, and the cost of inequality. As a nation, we cannot undermine those values by breaking up families, impeding resilience, and maintaining racial and economic inequality.
The current debate in Washington over the Build Back Better legislation needs to focus not on how much we spend but on its impact on children and families.
David Brooks, a conservative commentator, has supported these expenditures for what they can do to address this country’s cultural and economic crisis.
These packages say to the struggling parents and the warehouse workers: I see you. Your work has dignity. You are paving your way. You are at the center of our national vision.
This is how you fortify a compelling moral identity, which is what all of us need if we’re going to be able to look in the mirror with self-respect. This is the cultural transformation that good policy can sometimes achieve. Statecraft is soulcraft.
If you can only read one book this year, this is the one to read. Child poverty, homelessness, and inequality impact all of us. Ending child poverty and homelessness will make us a healthier and more inclusive nation. It is time for a compelling moral call to action!
When you buy a book or product using a link on this page, I receive a commission. Thank you for supporting Sharing Jan’s Love blog.
